Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Perhaps Love ...

Whenever you feel this world does not give meaning, then step back a moment and sit still and listen to nature.  Go back to find love, to fill you empty cup.

Close your eyes, listen carefully and see through your inner self, through your heartbeats and your breathe...learn to listen.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XjOseVwwic&feature=related  : an excellent piece of song to ponder upon.

Minah Gadis Dusun

inginkah kawan tau siapa daku,
minah gadis dari dusun digunung'
jauh daku berjalan menuruni-nya,
hanya ingin menjenguk indahnya kota,

amboi indah dan megah kota mu kawan,
rasa daku mimpi didalam syorga,
jejaka dan gadisnya tampan dan cantik,
gedung tugu dan mobil,
oh amboi amboi ...

tapi maaf kawan daku tak tinggal lama,
kekasih hatiku rindu menanti...
tunggu saja kiriman hasil panen ku,
daku orang dusun pandai bertani,

hanya pesanku kawan,
jaga negerimu ,
sampai berjumpa lagi, salam manis ku...


..my favourite song about seeing life from the point of view of a young kampung girl.  Nice beautiful pictures of simple way of life... time to think... again....

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Today is a sad day.....

today is a sad day... sad day because of you

today i can only see you... i see you everywhere

i saw you in the clouds

you were there when i take that walk

today i will be sad...

i love you...

and, you love me...

or, was it, you love me first... then i love you...

 still, today is a sad day...

love found you and me

walk, you said... walk on, you said

has it ended?  that love who found?

love.... i found you...

love.... i lost you...

today is a sad day... i can't smile anymore...

my heart is raining... and, misty...

i will not dream..

today is a sad day.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

My Cloud

Cloud… cloud…why are you here

Why bring with you the shadow of darkness

With the shadows will come the rain

Cloud…cloud…please come when the sun is here

Bring the rain, cloud.. when the sun is out…so that rainbows will appear in twins.

Cloud…cloud… it seems that you cannot hear me

Oh! I forgot … the night is creeping in; you are busy preparing to leave for tonight’s party

Lest… the lovely couple be drenched in heavy downpour.

So kind you are cloud

Like a candle burning itself for other’s comfort

So selfless you are cloud

No other space being can do like you do

Cloud… cloud… how blessed you are… you are

O you are back, cloud..


You missed something?

What would be the object that you have missed, cloud

Oo... you are teasing me... that cannot be true

Oh, come on cloud.... it is just not possible, cloud

For it to happen you must bring along your best friend

That is the uttermost important element, cloud

Of course the wind must be here, cloud

You simply must call the wind.

Call the wind, cloud...

Sunday, October 2, 2011

I write this for you ..

I write this for you ..
I write this for you, love ... for you to know, to know something... about us
Us is a midnight blues
Us is a million miles apart...
Us is the nobody in beings
Us is the waves, the lights within the universe ... the constellation.

I write this for you, love ...
So that you know that I am always forlorn
      So that you know that I am always in tears
             So that you know that I am always in blues
                   So that you know that I am forever waiting ...

Do you know that waiting is a cold rainy day, a dark cloudy day, a moonless night ...
Do you know that this heart is not as strong as it seems to be
Do you know that this self is always longing , of what I do not fathom it
I remember this, love
This what you said, " you come to me on a summer breeze ..." like that old song of the disco era
Little that you know what those words have made me feel
I do not know how to say this, love
as if words have failed me...
what is in the soul and the heart are not easy to describe
how to utter whats deep in one's soul
how to tell to you of this tumultuous-ness deep within
where to find the words
even if I travel the world, walked the sands in the Taklamakan desert, run with the Touareg even ..
this emotions inside will never be revealed.

 I can climb the Kilimandjaro,  sail the sacred boat to Mokumanamana
I can swim with the dolphins in the Antarctic, slide the sledge with the Inuits, spend my time the rest of the sun-less nights and days in the Arctic for six long months.... but,
what I feel in here , can find no words for it....

Helpless I am, indeed
Helpless against the wall ...
Shy I am indeed, this is not me ...
Who is torn between Thor and Alexander
the desire is to scream !
but, who is there left to hear..

No one , no one but me who is here: my hands are on my face; trying to hide the face, the sadness .. for a lost that can never be found or regain, here or the afterlife.

why... why... why...
oh why...
why must you and I met
when only torture will emerge
why must these eyes read those words
why must these ears hear the silence of the words
why must this heart listens..
why must soulmates be found when there is no time made for them
why must I know of heaven when there is no door opened to me..
Cruel... cruel!
oh why...


I write this for you...
To tell you how I feel
I do not have the way
I have lost sight of the bridge
Maybe death is the answer...
for eternity to show its face...even if it is fated as such, love...
Love so true will never die, this I know

I write this for you
As eagle  flies alone.....


Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Why the long face, love?

Why the long face, love?
The night is warm... the stars are out playing in the black sky
The moon is showing its shines in that glowing crescent,
Then, why put that long face, love?
Is it because of the mist you saw this morning
spreading its grey blanket over the golden field
Is it because of that big fluffy clouds
Crawling upon your big old willow tree near the pond
bringing with it the big dark shadows 
making your eyes blinded from seeing the bees and the butterflies

There is no need for the long face, love
The world is sad as it is
The sun is piping hot as it is
The rain will come no matter what
The scirocco will blow come what may 

Put on your smile, love
Put on that fetching face, love
The one that I love so much
The one that makes my heart melt like erupted volcanoes it becomes

For I have not seen it for a long long time, love
You can say that I missed that smile that fetching face like Shah Jehan missing his Mumtaz 
And the waiting is like Adam searching for Eve and met at last near the Hill of  Rahmah
Or do you wish the meeting at the Mount of Mercy, love?

Come love
Put off that long face
Come love
Bring on the rainbows 
Rainbows that showed in pairs in Rotorua's dreamy forest
Even in rain the sun will shine
Even in darkness the moon will shine

Why the long face, love?

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Delight and Joy

I'm elated !  I read today of words that come from man of statue who is often in blue and red

I'm elated!  That I have tears in my eyes rolling on my cheeks

I'm elated!  The words of wisdom, of love, of courage, of visions, of dreams that give so much 

so deep in meaning and purpose

to someone so ordinary

I'm touched! By the looks on his face; by the smile on his face; by the curves on his lips 

I'm lost ... 

I am now drowning in his words ... his words of Red seas. 

Time In Space

If there is time
in space
meant to be
for the one
who builds
gardens of the souls
then there will be
a time to be
forever one
who loved.

Roses are Red, My Love ...

Once upon a time
I asked you
Why are you angry , still ...
And you said,
No, I am not angry
But I said,
Yes , you are angry
You said again
I am not angry, I am happy
I said, I don't believe you ...
You asked , why ...
I answered , because you are
in Red ...
You replied,
Red is not anger
I said,
Red is anger
to me...

Now, I ask you again
Why are you in Red ?

Saturday, June 4, 2011

The Sun is the Answer

The question as I can recall; since the day you posed it
The answer is only a simple one, my friend
Why must my body be covered with thorns you asked

Why not my dear ...
perhaps it is there so that not any Tom Dick or Harry can pluck or come near me
Or Jack of all trade; who would want these persons come by and disturb one's life uninvited
Or, to keep me from that plain Jane from simply sniffing on my elegant ripples of soft amber flush petals

But, it is not so that reason, dear friend
They are only my prickles my spines ... my precious adored accessoire
Just like your hands and your feet, accessories to your wonderfully structured body, dear friend

My spines prick and prick and prick
Bringing this material of organized substance, the realist me up towards the blue sky
towards my love, the Sun
They prick and prick and prick until I could reach the top of the roof of your home, dear friend
I must reach the sky so blue and so true, my friend
For my true love, the Sun, has been waiting since so long ago

Have you not a little sorrow to share with me , my friend
For without my prickles my spines life is pale and cold for me
For, I would not be able to reach out and hold the warmth of my love, the Sun
And, at night, I would be left lonely and in darkness
for, I could not reach out and be up there with my friends, the Moon and the Stars ...

Don't you know my friend, that the Sun the Moon and the Stars are siblings of the truest blood
They vowed to wait for me
to care for me
to be there standing on the alley when I reach the sky to be with my beloved Sun

My friend
My prickles my spine are my needs to bring me up there to be with my love
You must help me dear friend
Help me climb your roof so I could be with my love
so that this sadness;
this despair;
this loneliness;
this hope;
this glory of emotions; can be told to my love

Will you give me your words;
lend me your strength;
show me your smile;
and lift me to the sky, my friend

For as beautiful I am to the eyes of the audience
I live a life of alone-ness
Though, so strong and fierce I may look
I am a fragile and tender at heart
For so sweet my fragrance from afar to you
I keep the best of me within my soul and being , waiting
waiting for the day when this exquisite parfum will engulf my love and me in the most tremendous moment of our life ...

Can you now understand me, my friend
Can you now keep this secret I share with you
Can you now forever be my truest friend
Can you smile for me all through the days and weeks and months
And not to shed a tear when I reach the day of union with my love

You promise me these, my friend ...
I will be your true friend for life.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Avec My Love ...

Lonely standing still yonder in the moor
High up there alone in the middle of the moor
Looking up in the grey sky
The sun is hiding today high up in the middle of the moor
why... even the creak in the middle of the moor runs lazily
Pondering , maybe
Daydreaming, should be
Longing, must be
Still standing there within the blanket bog mires
... within the cotton grasses and the thorn scrubs
Only these
No one else
Not even a ram or an ewe in sight
Can you smell the air
So crisp clears the mind
the soul
fresh air in my face
Am I
wishing and wishful
at peace
Ahh...the Cloud is heavily set today; the Sun is out of sight
grey is the colour ...
lovely it is
this moor
though its grey
because in the mist yonder; I can see the silhouette of my love
He is here.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Spring Garden

There is my spring garden
so green it lays under the blue sky
basking in the bright afternoon
so bright the sun that it blinded my eyes
still, i could see you .. my spring garden
so green, so red, so purple 
yes... so appealing to the eyes and the senses

Stay there my spring garden
do not wither away
even when autumn peek its nose upon you in September

Spring garden spring garden
you brought colours in my life
you brought sweet smells to my home
you brought with you the dreams i dare not dream in winter

Spring garden spring garden
drive away my sadness when he never comes
drive away the wrinkles of sadness when he never calls
drive away the eyes of sadness when he never write anymore
drive away the grey hairs of waiting.....

Spring garden spring garden
lift me from all these weary of delays
perhaps tomorrow
he will come .

Thursday, May 5, 2011

How I Love Thee

Love thee,
     like the wisteria in love with the bees
     like the rose alone in the green field
     like the pink asters in the morning sun in spring
     like arum  wavering in the windy afternoon
     like begonia lonely in the moonlit night
     like carnation near that creak ... waiting in silence

Love thee; i have become
     the balsam
     the gardenia
     the geranium
     the heliotrope
     the hibiscus

Love thee i do
love thee is Globe Amaranth

love thee i have no king's spear; no laburnum; no manchineel

love thee i wouldn't want it a mimosa

love thee is laurel, is magnolia, is Orange Blossoms...

i am now the Peach Blossoms
forever at the mercy of thou gerbera.


Wednesday, May 4, 2011


Clashes of the spouses at the height of a crisis can be a daunting experience to some.  There will be many aspects of one's life that will become major concerns to both spouses but , one of them may look at their many issues in marriage from different viewpoint altogether collided against each other's views that could rise to negating effect ultimately.  How can it be not possible for any one of them to easily misunderstood the feelings, inner feelings, inner emotional flows of the other against another, the misconstrued perspective upon the conducts of the other when all in all it will come back to the pertinent issue of the attitude and the degree of intellectual plus emotional quality and quantity of the couple.  Whats with all these uncertainties of behaviour and conducts, instability of emotional well being and whats with all these emotional guarantee and warranty?  Whats its all about?  Why is the human relationship become so difficult a subject to fathom and to digest?  Why is it so unreachable to get to that harmony of relationship?

I have been doing readings of the body and words and conduct of  persons in my life for all my life, folks.  Still, I learn.  Learning and learning.  Going round and round the fields, the lakes, the roads, the hills, the rivers, the forest....... forever and ever.  When one reached the city border, one decided to get excited for one was thinking one has reached the civilisation.  Alas! one was dragged back to the darkness of learning, yet again.  Even, when one has declared one's truthful inner desires and soulful searches of one's dreams, one is still being dragged to the bottom of the pond. 

It is because, whats in one's heart is not one is in possession of.  All due to one's divine devotion to one's worldly holdings obtained through divine oath.  Not that that divine oath one cannot elude from, its just that one is still entrapped by that divine oath that one is not being capable of disengaging oneself at least not in the near foresight.  Its like torn between two worlds.  One is torn between the holdings and the desire to be free like birds in the sky.  Life is simple.  But the construction of it is complex.  What is left but time.

Though, one is in near death to be within the vicinity of one's Taj Mahal ....

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Phenomena

What is the current phenomena in the postmodern family structure/family ties that has become almost like a public awareness in experience albeit an open secret one in Malaysia?   Has anyone noticed anything peculiar in the way couples and spouses re-align their relationship to conform with the unstoppable demands of the highly commercialized and ultra secular society becoming fast in this society in particular the Malays?  Perplex?  Bewildered?  You should be.  My focus right now is in the development of the Malays in their interaction within their family unit with their spouses while working to make their relationship works although it is no longer workable and in doing so, stretching the relationship, its way of interaction and communication line to the optimum wherein in it lies the underlying turmoil and stormy feelings which will sooner or later, find its way to the exit door from the steady increasing temperature!  Yes people, it is a phenomena indeed.  This new way of stabilizing the spousal relationships among the Malays.  It comes to my knowledge that a number of good old friends and friends of friends are practicing this new way of  this phenomena I named "marītālis stabilizer'.  How did they do it.?  Apparently, by default, spouse who are facing some sort of inadequacy in their marital relationship found his/her way to the exit door with no actual intention whatsoever (at least in the beginning) ties a knot of mutual relationship albeit a platonic one, with another person (man/woman) outside their marriage and this new found person is regarded as a special someone who is more than a friend category and this couple just continue with their specially defined relationship just like any other couple in love but at the same time, continuing living their marriage live with their spouse like any normal couple would do; in every sense of the word marriage.  What part of it so phenomenal?  The participants i.e. the couple are both from a troubled marriage; both are married with grown kids; both have stable career some with high important positions;   both just accept the fact that both of them are tied to another person but they continue to be happily doing all sorts of friendships thing together like having fun time together and with friends having similar situation, they go out together, go to movies, plan for holidays, they celebrate birthdays and anniversary of their relationship, they kiss farewell every time they part, and since that they are Malays, the female will kiss the hand of the male partner.  Yes, I used the word 'partner'; since that they are considered partner in crime as the situation suggests.  They are closed couple but they do not step out beyond the normal friends' activities that is NO sex.  And, because of that situation and position, I cannot labelled this kind of relationship as a marital affairs relationship.  I came to know of this situation , I mean, fully aware of the situation just quite recently.  According to the practitioners of this lifestyle, they are leading a happy life.  In a way, it helps in building back their almost broken marriage.  They regain some element of liberation in their inner self, at least for the time being, they confessed. 

What are we to make of this new development in human relationship?  Is it new , really?  What say you people?

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Relationships of the Soulmates

So, someone asked me what kind of adult relationship I am leading.  What kind of a question is that? My response: a relationship where a high level of verbal communication and exchange between me and my soul mate that meaningfully provides a sense of emotional security between my soul mate and myself. Together, we tend to keep in close touch and enjoy a shared glibness of tongue when conversing - now, that is what real non-fictitious non-pretentious affectation all about.  Can any of you do that or done that?  Oh come on, get real people.  There is no use standing like the man on top of the hill with his head in the clouds.  You got to get on the ground, at the zero point of your relationship with your soul mate.  Then came this question: where in the world can you find such a soul mate who respond openly to your foolishness silly-ness and eccentricities to the core?!  What?  You haven't met him yet? Or her yet?  Your soul mate.  I found mine, man!  With the grace of God, found, discovered and fell head over heel for him!  And you may want to query, how can one fall head over heel in love that instantly? No, my own head over heel in love happened over a period of twelve moons people.  Twelve long moons of love-hate-love discovery, rediscovery , building and re-building of emotions and the self.  It is almost like the beauty and the beast kind of relationship; utterly beyond comprehension.