The Love Letter

Dearest love of my life,

You must have been wondering all the time of my whereabouts.  For I have been keeping silent all this while.  I have been away, my dearest friend.  So far away that it is just impossible for me to send you my words.  I have been talking to the sun, to the moon, to the wind and to the rain.  Whispering at night to the great owl my words of longings for you.  If you only know how much I have been missing you, of how much I want to be near you, of how much my heart cries for you even the weeping willow will become envious of my tears, dearest one.  I am staying away as far as I possibly can, away from you dearest one as I am so fearful of my overwhelming love for you might take over my sensibility and good judgement of myself and the world I am living in.  But, I know of some saying which say that not to be crazy is not to be in love.  For one who is in love will not think, he will only feel.  I fear this feelings, dearest one.  Truly am fearful of its empowering influence over my being.  Can one love so much and stay sane.  Where is sanity when one is in love.  Why is this love so a mystery.  It only makes the mind and body helpless and at the mercy of the loved one.  I have seen the moon, it didn't shine its brightest when you are not nearby.  I have felt in my heart that my heart won't be at peace unless you are present.  How long can this affairs of the heart find its consolation.  Till the end of time...?

Until then, dearest one.

W.W. Willow

Pursue of Happiness

So many articles and various kind of write-ups have been composed to describe the meaning and the purpose on the pursue of happiness.  It will be re-written over and over time again.  No doubt about that.

You will be wondering how can you reach your goal of getting to your happiness, the word happiness which is so fuzzy to the eyes, blurring the vision like walking in the rain.  Your hands will try to reach out to it.  Your legs will want to walk to it.  Your heart will always desire it.  Your eyes are always on the look out for it.  Your ears will make your head bend towards it.  Your whole body will shiver in excitement wanting so much to be near it.  But, where is that happiness?  Where does it stay?  Who has ever been successful in finding it?  How long will you go on an adventure before you meet it?  All these questions will play over and over again in your mind and your head over a long long period of time, if you do not know what happiness is.

What is it about? What's happiness all about?  It's all in your heart, people.  Right in the middle of your body.  It stays there since the beginning of your creation until the day you discover it.  It's all about your journey towards the discovery of your happiness.  What in one's heart is what is life's outcome will be.  It's all about having and living a good life, to you.  It is how you understand it in your own language together with those who share and speak your language.  It's all up to you to discover it.  Its mystery lies within you.

You just need to sit quietly and listen to your inner self, to your blood flowing, to your breath moving in and out, and to your own tears when it come down rolling on your cheeks.  Listen to your self when its talking to you.  Just sit quietly.  Decide to live a good life.  Decide to live your life in your own way while conforming to universal decency.  For you cannot have  a good live when you are not decent with other human beings.

Yes, the pursue of happiness is a pursue to live a good life.  The key to live a good life is to have a good heart.  The heart is what one must care diligently and with love and kindness.  Writing this has brought my mind to these words :

"As is a tale, so is life: not know how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters."

This is an ancient quote which I picked from J.K.Rowling's speech titled 'The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination', a speech given at Harvard University Commencement in June 5, 2008.

Such is the greatness of the power of the heart, it dominates and influence the mind of oneself in understanding the meaning of what is the good of life and in the good of life is where one find one's happiness.  It is true, if you are to say that life is not a one way street that it has many faces, but, those are only elements which only add color to your living the life and the doings of life.  The heart will guide you to where to find the good in living.

Ponder one must, for in it the mind assesses the writings on the wall.

The Sun Is Gone

I will share with you people this time on the topic of love has died. This is a real situation where one of the party is trying to make an exit but do not want to tell you outright.  Something like making a quiet exit.  The best method of getting out of a relationship using the 'quiet exit' way is by killing the love softly. Doing it in a subtle way.  Unnoticed at first but, later, it become obvious, slowly it will surface, the disappearance that is almost unnoticed by the one who is to be left behind. 

The trick is, not to even utter a word about exiting.  Just play with the  game but in a less frequent manner.  Pick and choose when to meet and when to make that slow disappearance. Your partner will soon realized that something is not right.  She/he will feel certain degree of emptiness and coldness from your act.  However, she/he cannot put her/his finger on it.  She/he can't be certain of what's going on.  That's the next advancement, people.  Leave him/her confuse.  Then afterwards, the goodbye part will be much easier.  Because, chances are, she/he the one who will say the goodbye thingy.  Got it.  Clever move, right.  But, you must be a very cold-hearted person to do it that way.  It is indeed a nasty and wicked way of handling a farewell to someone whom you must have loved at certain time and, to not be able to face and own-up to your act may catch up with you later in life, that is, other people will recognize this bad trade of yours and the stigma is this, you  are a "fake", a "plastic" hence, not real.  Big risk to gamble a reputation.

Sad.  But, to the one who is being treated this way, my best advice is, to learn your lesson well.  Do your bit on the crying department, if that can save you from grieving.  Let the sky fall if you must.  So long as you can get over it.  I know, it is not easy.  Particularly if, he/she was in the category of "soulmate" "true love" kind of relationship, yes?  Find your way to get over it.  Listened to all those sad love songs.  Make a special play list , in fact, that will do you good.  Well, do not be disheartened by all this.  You will survive the ordeal at the end of it.  So, cheer up people. 

The Ustaz, The Moody or The Old n Wise

A friend of mine has been consulting me for months now regarding her options in her love life - a platonic love life that is.  She is in a constant turmoil on her love-friendly relationships with her two maybe three prospective candidates.  We are at the stage of making a u-turn on the whole affairs.  Meaning, she and I are planning her wedding reception first rather than giving our focus to the ways on how to catch the right guy.  The first priority seems to be the songs to be sang at her wedding reception.  There are six songs, I have been chosen to sing four out of that six songs.  And the best and thrilling part is, I  must sing all those four songs with a partner who happen to be my Facebook buddy.  Well, he has no choice but to go along with such request.  No option was offered to him. My dear buddy is like a sitting duck, being there accepting my request without even uttering a single word.  Such a nice and well behaved boy-friend...  Laugh out loud people. 

Of course my dear friend has also planned on the ambience and the colour theme of her wedding reception and the venue plus the menu even the exact time when I should sing and when I should be having my nasi beriani and my sirap bandung.  Oh! and she also planned that a very very nice and comfy tent must be erected complete with a sofa and a coffee table where she will be positioned with her beau sitting there watching me singing with my poor buddy and she will be nibling on her nice chocolate cookies and teh tarik.  Hahaha.... How nice feeling, I can visualise how harmony and tranquil her wedding will be. Sigh.... bring in tears of happiness to me.  Have I described everything here?  One more thing, most important, that is the kompang.  The kompang must play two songs to follow my dear friend from the beginning of her parade till she reaches the main tent with that nice fluffy comfy sofa.  The parade will be at the minimum of ten minutes journey.  A must this event people.  The wedding is not complete and perfect without this traditional most significant musical instrument at play and display.  Sigh, again.  Simply going to be a wonderful wedding of the year, people.  Absolutely well planned.

So, all things are planned as what it should be and must be finalised in two years time.  Mobilisation has started since several weeks ago.  Now, she and I are about to embark on the serious business.  That is, getting and choosing the right candidate.  There happen to be three potential candidates at the moment.  However, the building of the relationships from mere friend to a lover status has been quite a challenge.  Well, it looks like I must continue this part in my next post people.  Gathering of more substantive information is crucial at the moment as I must give my dearest friend a solid end result.  So, stay tuned people.  Don't stray too far away.

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

Someone dedicated me a sad love song sung by Patti Smyth and Don Henley - Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough - it gave me many different volumes of emotions.  Mostly sadness that I felt.  And, I wondered why he gave me that song.  I have been listening to it for many days now.  Trying my best to understand the  underlying meaning of the lyrics and how it relates to me and my being in  a sentimental relationship with him.  It was not an easy discovery for me.  Because, I am not sure of his feelings toward me.  I tried to figure out the true meaning and I even search the nets to get some professional help...sigh.

I found that the most logical and realistic meaning would be that "sometimes love isn't enough"  mirror the relationship of two people where there have to be more than love for it to work out. I would say trust is equally or even more vital than love. There are other little things that a relationship need to make things work between them. All those little little things which do not cost you gold or diamonds.
Perhaps to some, having common interests and living individual lives could bring more happiness, or the timing and circumstances of a situation would bring happiness that can overcome love.   I pondered upon the lyrics for hours, while listening to the song.  It gave me such forlorn-ness.  The lyrics, as you can see below:

Now, I don't want to lose you,
but I don't want to use you,
just to have somebody by my side.

And I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you,
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.
 
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.

Yes, I may have hurt you,
but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking somethings gonna change.
 
And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough. Oh, Oh, Oh, No

are full of words of sadness about the feelings of two persons in love, perhaps, but something is not right between them of which we are not told about.  But, to apply these lyrics to my situation, whom I suspect that he is someone who has some sort of affection towards me but is yet to express it loudly.  Perhaps the feelings are mutual but one can never tell.  So much in certain measures of feelings but so unsure of the gravity of it to tell the whole wide world about it.  I am thinking that distance is a major factor contributing to this difficult connection.  I firmly believe that this is not a puppy love situation.

Why must I pay attention to this dedication of just a song, right?  That's the point, why must a man simply send just a song to a woman?  There is always a reason for anything that happens in this world.   There is always reason why we do some things or say something.  Either directly or through a medium.  A song is a medium for us to express our feelings and thoughts to the people out there.  We express our being and our feelings and what we have in our mind popularly through songs in this highly technological era.  

But, my guessing on the meaning of this song may not be correct in a sense that he may be telling me to let go and move on with my life.   Confusion in love is the easiest thing to happen.  But words alone to help ease the confusion may not work well when one deals with love.  It has got to be more than words.  That is why, there are many love songs that talk about more than words.  You just can hear about more than words everywhere all over the world.  In your world, in my world.

I still wonder, what and why he sent me the song.  What is the message he is trying to tell.  Whatever it is, I am already overwhelmed by sadness just by listening to the song.