The thing about marriage is you don't know what's going to happen next even if you've tried your best to fix the schedule - your life-plan schedule. I am not only inclined but is forced to believe that tomorrow will never come when we deal with marriage. Yes, togetherness. But, yes too to individuality. Hence, I am forced too to ask "a very complex philsophical-psychological question on being there/here and spending time and on the inevitability of fate and of crossroads and turns of the road less taken." - to quote a philosopher's words.
The relevant situation for such question is when you are in the healing phase of your relationships with your spouse after the "crisis". There will be an empty space in the heart of the partner who has been hurt by the said "crisis". To amend and re-structure the empty space thereafter to fulfill it will take a lot of effort and energy plus time - by both parties. The greatest impact will be on the one who suffered the most by the "crisis" and she/he is the one will be with the biggest empty space. It is a fact that must not be ignored. It is like NOT seeing the 'pink elephant' in the living room. What I want to express herein people is, you cannot ignore the empty space in your heart and continue living your life as if nothing is changed. Face it. Accept the fact. The love that was once there has all gone!! Yes, you will say to yourself, working very hard convincing yourself that there is still love like before in your heart for him/her. But, people, it has all gone the day you make your war.!
The challenge in situation like this is, when your path crosses with another person that is just too good to be true like your hero in your dream with long hair and piercing eyes suddenly appears in your life and swept you away with the greatest of surprise that left you dizzy. How to deal with this situation people? Remember, the empty space? Within that empty space lies the quest for the golden trophy to fulfill the lost love that was once there. The missing element - LOVE.
I cannot express it in any better way but to quote this beautiful poem by an ancient Persian poet as narrated to me by a dear friend:.
"will you and i with Fate decree,
to change the scheme of things entire,
will you and i with Fate conspire,
to change the things we desire,
so that they will be close to our heart's desire. "
This is the challenge people. The fulfillment comes not from the other important someone in your marriage. It comes from the one that you have been searching all your life, but, only now appears.
I know. Its complicated.
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