When all else fails, give up and go to the cave!
When the dark clouds persistently hover upon you and your spouse, go hibernate in a nice cosy cave somewhere. A good long sleep is best medicine in times of trouble. Then, wake up one day, resolve the issue, once and for all. No point looking at the past. The future is the focus. Life is too short. Why spend the precious time on something that only brings sorrow and despair.
Making the choice and making the decision is part of being a decent human being. Make the choice. Make the decision.
In the mean time, hibernate!